A lot of people take their therapists’ advice with a grain of salt. They don’t trust what they say, and that’s certainly understandable. But in cases where you do follow your therapist’s recommendations, you might be amazed at how much better off you are because of it. This list showcases the great hot takes from therapists that people remember years later and have changed their outlook on life as a result.
1) It’s OK to be selfish
It’s OK to be selfish. So many of us are programmed to think that we need to put others before ourselves, but it’s time to take a step back and realize that there is no better way than to put yourself first.
Don’t be afraid of being selfish because you’re automatically thinking about other people – remember you need to take care of yourself in order for you to be the best version of yourself for everyone else.
It’s important for your life outlook and your mental health that you make sure everything is good on your end before worrying about everyone else. If you don’t feel like taking care of yourself, it will be very difficult for you to take care of others as well.
2) You’re not responsible for other people’s happiness
One of the most common hot takes from therapists is that you are not responsible for other people’s happiness. This isn’t to say that it doesn’t feel good to make other people happy, because it really does. In fact, they might be some of the best moments in your life. But too often we try to take on everyone else’s responsibilities and bear the weight of their problems without taking care of ourselves. We need to remember that our own well-being is just as important as anyone else’s, and we need to put our own needs first sometimes.
3) Don’t take things personally
The first step in becoming more empathic is to stop taking things personally. People don’t really care about you, says therapist Dr. Chris Thurber, they care about how they feel when they’re with you. So if someone is rude or dismissive, it might just be because of their own stuff, not anything you did. One way to separate yourself from the situation is to ask yourself what your intention would have been if this had happened to someone else. If you can’t come up with an answer for that person, try to find one for yourself instead. The next time someone does something that makes you upset, see if there’s a way for them to be doing it out of love rather than malice.
4) Learn to say no
This is a tough one to get down pat because some people have a hard time saying no. You may feel like you need to do everything for everyone or that you’re letting people down by not helping them out with whatever it is they ask of you. But the truth is, your health and well-being are more important than being there for everyone all the time. Some days will be busier than others, and it’s okay to say no if you’re feeling overbooked or too tired to deal with something else. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones—who care about you just as much as other people—to take good care of yourself!
5) Let go of what you can’t control
Let go of what you can’t control. This may sound like a cliche, but is one of the most powerful things someone can do for themselves. Know that it’s okay to feel anger, sadness, and disappointment- it’s not your fault that you’re feeling these emotions. Accept them as they are and let them be what they are. You may need to talk to someone or do some journaling in order to help yourself move on from them more easily. But know that there will be other days and better moments in your life where you’ll be feeling happy and contented again.
6) Don’t try to please everyone
One of the most common mistakes that people make is to try and please everyone. It’s a noble aspiration, but it’s not always possible. Sometimes you need to cut your losses and let go of someone who you know will never be satisfied with what you’re doing for them. I’m not saying that this is easy, but it might be necessary if you don’t want to spend your life chasing one person around forever trying to please them. And on the other hand, sometimes people deserve to feel rejected when they don’t appreciate what you’ve done for them.
7) Live in the present moment
It’s hard to live in the present moment when you’re constantly thinking about the past or fretting about the future. But that’s what it takes. Be where you are, not just physically but emotionally and mentally too. This means not feeling guilty for enjoying something or taking a break from work when you need to recharge. It also means recognizing what your needs are, even if they don’t fit into a neat little box of this moment. Take time for yourself, do things that make you happy, stay connected with others. Self-care isn’t selfish–it is necessary for our mental health and well-being.
8) Forgive yourself
In today’s society, it is very common for people to be self-critical. It is easy to get caught up in a vicious cycle of beating yourself up over the smallest mistakes, and that can affect your mental health. One thing that can help break the cycle is by forgiving yourself when you have made an error. Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you’re excusing your behavior, but it does give you the ability to let go and move on without carrying around guilt or shame. You deserve to forgive yourself so that you can take care of yourself and make better decisions going forward.